Well it was bound to come up at some point.
We had two different experiences with gun play last week, one very, very disturbing to me. The first was at the indoor playground. Kids making guns out of the legos, Asher then building something and saying it was a gun. When asked what a gun was, he is still innocent and clueless. No reaction, just an okay whatever you want to do sort of thing.
Next day, change scene, the library, childrens department, playhouse. Two little girls inside the house, being the house bullies (not letting anyone else in). They then pull out their "guns" made this time from star type legos. I watch for awhile, a little disturbed that they seem to have guns and defending their home. Then they start pointing them at kids saying shoot, shoot, shoot. At this point I am definitely bothered, but waiting for their parent to step in as I really think this is inappropriate play for a public place. Then they point them at one of my kids and say shoot shoot shoot. Now I step in and tell them that it isn't nice to point guns at people, look around again for any parental support here, feel as though I am on crazy pills, make a bit of a stink about needing to get away from the shooters and go to the other side of the library. I was so bothered. I can't imagine ever having to go through something like having my child shot, and even as play really, really struck something in me. I actually felt anger and defiance in these children's play. They most definitely knew what guns could be used for, though I am sure they don't understand the consequences of such actions, I was left distraught and trying to figure out gun/weapon play and how I am going to deal with it as it enters our home.
I think that this is a point in parenting that can't be avoided or ignored, or banned really, weapons have been around forever and there exists an instinctual form to defend ones self. Hunting is a necessity in places and I understand the need for these tools, but I don't want my kid shooting his friends. I have read of parents that allow gun/weapon play at certain times in certain environments and as we venture into this realm with two boys, I would also like there to be rules with it. Number one: do not ever ever ever point your gun at another person! I don't care if it is just a stick, it represents so much more. I also really think that parents should think twice about where their kids do this sort of play. As a parent of a 2.5 year old, I would rather not have to explain this type of play to him yet and would definitely appreciate parents stepping in when their child is pointing there gun at the 1 year old and saying shoot, shoot. Guns are a part of life, but they need to be respected as does any dramatic play done with them.
I am still at a loss for how to handle this and actually okay with this for now as I don't even want Asher to know what they do, he can still live in his sheltered bubble.
BTW, Happy Birthday Uncle Bill! We love you.
4 comments:
I would be disturbed as well, Kate. Sorry that you and the kids had to experience that. We have a play gun in the basement and the rule is that it cannot be pointed at any person. Abby rarely plays with it and Cade is yet to discover it (or care). I think that kids will find things to make guns out of, whether we give them pretend ones or not, but you are so right about having rules surrounding their use, at least in my opinion! I hope when you return to the library that it is an open house and all are welcome :)
We have talked about this around here too. From early on, they started picking up sticks or pieces of cardboard. If they don't have that they point their finger and shoot. I have told my family to please do not purchase real looking guns - I don't like them as play toys.
The problem we have run in to with the rule of no pointing guns at people is that at first they are chasing dragons, animals, or monsters, but eventually they themselves want to be the animal, monster, or dragon. They want to be chased and shot. It can be hard to watch sometimes. I expressed some concern. Brian had and still has a vivid imagination and often comes up with stories to act out with the boys. After discussing it with him, I hope he is correct in that children can have active imaginations and know the difference between fantasy and reality. We talk about consequences of actions in real life and about death in general. Just yesterday, we had a conversation about death. We have expressed that death is final. Crazy stuff us parents have to deal with. Good luck - hope you can keep out the gun play as long as possible.
Your concerns resonated with me. I really struggled with the issue of weapons. I never permitted guns or swords, but I ran into two problems. One was water guns, which are very popular in the summer, and the other was the light sabres (wait till they discover Star Wars). I found that talking to the kids about WHY I didn't like weapons helped. Fortunately, they do outgrow it; but now I have to deal with the evils of the internet (sigh). You have great instincts, so I have no doubt that the boys will understand your concerns when they are older. XO to all, Cousin Susan
Ditto, Kate. I have had the same experience with another kid "shooting" at my girl, and her instinctively knowing it was a bad thing with tears in her eyes. Days later, I heard her making gun noises while playing with her older cousin. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "playing schoo, schoo"; the noise she was making. I hope that by explaining how I felt about it, she will understand guns as a serious subject. I just feel 3 years old (well, younger than 3 when it happened) is too young to have to explain guns; and am frustrated that we all have to do that because it is a completely accepted form of play by many adults.
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